What it’s like to be early in your ftm transition—the ups, the downs, and everything in between. Right now, I’m pre-everything. I haven’t started hormones or any surgeries yet. I have started coming out to friends and a few people at work, and I actually have an appointment to start gender therapy in early January. That’s where I am in my journey.
I thought it might be helpful to break things down into four bad things and four good things about being at this early stage. Maybe some of this will resonate with you, and if you have your own experiences, I’d love to hear about them in the comments.
Watch the companion video here!
Four “Bad” Things
1. Being Misgendered
This one’s the most obvious, and honestly, it hits hard. When people misgender me, it feels like they don’t see the real me. It’s not just about pronouns—it’s a deep, existential feeling of invisibility. And sometimes, it gets even weirder: someone will correctly gender me when I first appear, but as soon as I speak, they hear my voice and suddenly call me “she.” I’m not a she. I’m a guy. Simple as that.
2. Bathroom Anxiety
Since I’m pre-testosterone and pre-surgery, bathrooms are tricky. I don’t feel comfortable using the men’s room because of my feminine appearance and voice, but the women’s room doesn’t feel right either. At work, thankfully, we have an employee bathroom, so I usually use that. But in public, if there’s no gender-neutral option, I tend to stick to the women’s room and move quickly. It’s not ideal, but it’s the safest option for now.
3. Coming Out to Everyone
There’s a lot of people to tell. I’ve got a list of 40–50 people I work with and a few more friends, and I still have about 15 people left. Coming out is a personal experience, and I wanted to do it gradually rather than just posting something online and telling everyone at once. It’s uncomfortable, but so far, everyone’s been supportive, which I’m really grateful for. That said, I haven’t told my family yet, and that will probably take more time.
4. Worrying About Acceptance
Even with supportive friends, there’s still that lingering worry: “Do they really see me as a guy?” I don’t think anyone will stop being friends with me, but I do wonder if they see me the way I want to be seen. Right now, it’s still early, and no one has had a deep conversation with me about it yet. That uncertainty can be stressful.
Four “Good” Things
1. Friends Learning to Gender You Correctly
One of the best things about coming out is that once your friends know, they start correcting themselves. I’ve found this really comforting, even though I’m still adjusting to correcting people myself—I don’t want to be that person who constantly corrects everyone. It’s a learning curve for both me and my friends, but it feels good to be recognized correctly more often.
2. Dressing How You Want
This one is personal—when I moved back to my parents’ house, I could finally dress in a way that felt right. For me, it wasn’t a huge change since I already dressed masculinely, but for a lot of people, being early in your transition means you can finally show the world your authentic style. It’s freeing.
3. Feeling Comfortable in Your Own Skin
Coming out takes off the weight of hiding a big part of yourself. I always felt like people didn’t truly know me because I hadn’t told them this essential part of my identity. Now, I feel like I’m being seen for who I really am, which is an incredible relief. Not hiding anymore feels like a huge victory in itself.
4. Hope for the Future
Finally, there’s a lot of hope in the early stages. Things are starting to move forward. You’re no longer stuck, scared, or stagnant. Even small steps, like telling a friend or making a therapy appointment, bring real progress. There’s a sense that things are changing for the better, and that hope is energizing.
Being early in your transition is a weird mix of anxiety, excitement, fear, and hope. Some days feel heavy with challenges, and others feel light with possibility. But even at the start, there’s so much growth, discovery, and self-affirmation.
If you’re going through something similar, know that it’s okay to take your time, feel all the feelings, and celebrate the small victories. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now.
That’s my take for today. If you’ve had similar experiences—or if you think I missed something—drop a comment. I’d love to hear your perspective. And if you’re early in your journey like me, know that you’re not alone.
