This post is a collection of honest answers to questions about gender—how I identify, how I move through the world, and how I cope with being misgendered, dysphoria, and uncertainty. It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about telling the truth where I’m standing now.
Watch the companion video here!
How Do You Self-Identify Your Gender, and What Does That Mean to You?
I identify as trans. If someone wants more detail, I’ll say I’m a transgender guy, but most of the time I just say “trans.” That word feels more comfortable to me. I’m not entirely sure why—maybe “transgender” feels too long or carries too much weight or stigma—but “trans” fits where I’m at right now, and that’s enough for me.
What Pronouns Honor You?
I use he/him pronouns. Since coming out to my friends, they’ve been making an effort to use them, and that’s meant a lot to me. Being referred to correctly—even in small, everyday moments—makes a bigger difference than I ever expected.
How Would You Describe the Style of Clothing You Most Often Wear?
I wear almost entirely black. I think I own exactly one item that isn’t black, and it’s a dark maroon sweatshirt from an older video. Other than that, it’s all black shirts—band tees, movie shirts, or simple designs I like.
I always wear men’s clothes because they’re what I’m comfortable in. Women’s clothing feels wrong on my body. It feminizes me in ways that make me really uncomfortable, and I’d rather stick to clothes that help me feel more like myself.
How Do You Approach Body Hair and Hair Styling?
My hair mostly just does what it wants. I let it dry to one side and keep it short, usually with an undercut. Right now, having short hair helps people gender me correctly. Once I start testosterone and my face changes more, I’ll probably grow it out, but for now this feels necessary.
As for body hair, I don’t shave anymore. I actually like having it—it feels more masculine and affirming to me. The hard part is that since I haven’t medically transitioned yet, people still see me as a girl, and apparently a girl not shaving makes people uncomfortable. That judgment gets to me sometimes, even though I know what I prefer.
How Do You Feel About Cosmetics, Scents, and Personal Care?
Makeup is complicated for me. I like it as an art form—it’s creative, it’s expressive. Every so often I convince myself it’s a good idea, put it on, and feel great for a moment. Then the dysphoria hits. It makes me look too feminine, and I spiral. That cycle happened enough times that I eventually gave all my makeup and nail polish to a friend.
I don’t wear perfume anymore, but I do have a small bottle of cologne that I use sometimes, especially on days when dysphoria is bad. Smell can trigger weird gender anxiety for me, like worrying that hairspray will make someone think I’m a girl—even though that’s not logical.
When it comes to soaps and shampoo, I prefer more masculine scents, but I’m not overly picky. Right now I’m using Mane ’n Tail shampoo. It doesn’t really smell gendered, but it reminds me of a time before I understood I was trans, when I was constantly being misgendered. Once it’s gone, I probably won’t buy it again.
Have You Experienced Being Misgendered?
Yes—daily. Since I haven’t started medical transition yet, strangers misgender me all the time. My friends are getting better, though. When they mess up, they usually correct themselves, and that effort means a lot.
Do You Experience Dysphoria? How Does It Affect You?
My dysphoria comes in waves, but chest dysphoria is the hardest part. I bind most of the time, which helps, but I still want top surgery in the future.
I also struggle with my height and my voice. I’m not short, objectively, but I’m shorter than most of my guy friends, which messes with my head. My voice gets me misgendered constantly, especially at work when I answer the phone. I’m really hoping testosterone will help with that.
I don’t experience bottom dysphoria very often, except around certain times, but it’s still something that exists in the background.
How Do You Feel About Having Children?
I don’t want kids, and I definitely don’t want to carry a child. That idea has always been horrifying to me. The only way I could ever see myself becoming a parent would be through adoption—specifically adopting queer teens who’ve been kicked out or don’t have support. If I ever do that, I want to be someone I wish I’d had growing up.
What Is Your Relationship With Money and Providing?
Money doesn’t really factor into gender for me. I don’t care who makes more in a relationship as long as bills are paid and things are fair. I do like the idea of taking a partner out and spoiling them sometimes, but I don’t feel weird about someone else paying either. It’s not about roles—it’s about care.
Is There Anything Else You Want to Share About Your Experience With Gender?
I’m still figuring things out. It took me about three years to decide that I want to medically transition, and even now, I’m learning what feels right day by day. Coming out to my friends is still new. Being seen as myself is still new.
If you’re pre-transition and questioning whether hormones or surgery are right for you, remember that you don’t have to decide everything right now. You have time. You’re allowed to try, to change your mind, to stop, or to continue.
What matters most isn’t fitting a label perfectly—it’s feeling comfortable.
How you feel is more important than how you identify.
